“We Just Don’t Feel Close Anymore”

There are many reasons partners lose their connection. Sometimes feelings cool because you are busy, stressed, or distracted, and you forget to make it a priority to take care of your bond. Or you may have gotten into conflicts you were unable to resolve and have started to build resentments. Pressure from parenting, work, dealing with extended family, or stressful social situations you find difficult to manage can also result in a lack of warm connection. Partners start avoiding conflict, begin labeling each other in unkind ways and feel lonely. Without tenderness or connecting conversation, sex is much less appealing.

If you follow the four steps of the program, see Relationship Blueprint overview, I think you will find you can calm down any conflicts you are experiencing and your relationship will warm up quite a bit. To maintain your BEST partnership: You have to maintain your Bond, take care of your own Emotional health, manage the Social stresses you encounter and be sure you have adequate support to weather the changes you will have to deal with over Time.

The Tools in this program address both sides of the problem; warming things up and cooling off the conflicts. There are tools that help you pay attention to, recall, and focus on, your connection (Plugging In, Positive Tracking). These help you feel more motivated to spend time together.

Other tools help you stop escalations and learn effective, kind ways to resolve your disagreements in a way that pleases both of you. (Circuit Breaker stops the escalation. Collaborative Communication replaces competitive debate with a kind, constructive process that builds understanding. Brainstorming guides you to find solutions that satisfy both of you. Scaffold helps you gain perspective.)